this is not the time.

I’m cooking up something delicious for the first of the year.

This means that I – along with a small group of test clients – am smack in the middle of body awareness. We are learning to listen what our bodies tell us about food, movement, and beauty.

And I am learning. Lots.

Sometimes, the problem is just timing.

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In an honest attempt to simplify my menu planning, I signed up for a cleanse. A cleanse that I was really excited about. That I thought I wanted. I made the grocery list. I sent Nathan to the grocery store. I detoxed from caffeine. I was involved in the Facebook group. I was super super excited.

But then, two days in to the food restriction, I felt terrible. My joints – especially in my fingers – ached. My lips were cracking. And the only thing I could think about was a glass of milk.

Not sugar. Not grain. But a glass of milk.

So I had one.

It wasn’t a knee-jerk decision. I weighed my options. I thought about what I was potentially giving up. I thought about my financial commitment. But I realized that I could still cook everything on the menu.

And I could add cheese if I wanted.

So I had a glass of milk. And maybe it is in my head, but I woke up feeling like me again.

And that is what is most important to me today. In a world where I am preparing for yoga teacher training trip 2. In a world where work feels less than stable. In a world where I want so many things to be different but am terrified of change.

I need to feel like me. I need to be grounded in who I am, physically and emotionally.

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This is not the time to cleanse. There will be a time, but this is not it.

I am still decaf. I am still keeping the additions to my day. But I’m also listening to my body. Because I know what I need. And more challenge is not what I need.

I am not giving up. I am not jumping ship. I am just saying not right now.

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Are you on Instagram? I am loving the space as a mini- blog. You can see my pictures and follow me as krissiebentley.

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