Ever since I read Cassie’s Coffee Date post last week, I’ve been thinking about what I would say to you if we had coffee.
I’d start with recounting the epicness of my weekend. So many friends. So many laughs. And a decent amount of bourbon. For the first time in a while, I feel really connected to people again. Nathan’s dance friends. Our running friends. My twitter-turned-real-life friends. I do have community. Sometimes I isolate myself, but I do have community.
Then, since I had mentioned it, I’d talk a little about how proud I am of my husband. Because, seriously, he is awesome. And he is a pretty amazing dancer. And then we’d laugh and laugh and laugh because – really? – no one would ever have predicted it. That crazy fella.
I’d talk about how I am both terrified and completely ready to start yoga teacher training next week. A week from right now, actually. I know I have done some crazy things in the past, but this feels like the most huge by a landslide. I don’t know if it is because I feel like yoga is such a good fit for me personally or physically or what, but it feels so much bigger than that. It feels both out of the blue and like coming home at the same time. I want to know all I can about all of it. And I want to know it nooooooow. But at the same time? What if I suck? What if I can’t get rid of my shaky voice? What if I go through this and still work full time? What if I’m just adding something else to a crazy schedule? Because, really, there is so much awesomeness after 5pm and on weekends already, you know? I just don’t want this to be something else that I have a limited amount of energy for. I want this to be something that I live and breathe and become. And there are my huge expectations. But I expect huge because it feels so huge, you know?
But, really, this yoga thing is totally for me. I started my period yesterday. Unexpectedly. This makes zero sense, friend. Over the past year, I have developed raging PMS. I mean, all of the salt. All of the tears. All of the irrational fears about being in financial ruin and that I’ll get fired from my stable jog and that I’ll never get hired to teach yoga because my forward fold is so unfoldly. I honestly feel really sorry for my husband for a few days. But this month? Nothing. I mean, I had quite a headache on Saturday that I blamed on Friday night’s Old Fashioned (after a month of no alcohol). But other than that? No sypmtoms. This is huge. I mean, yoga isn’t the only change I’ve made, but it is the main one. The most consistent one. And that just blows me away.
Then I’d take a deep breath and I’d bring up running. I’d remind you the role that running played in my life. For several years, running was my life. Running ruled my schedule. Running was where I had (really big) community. It brought celebrations and disappointment – and the marathon definitely brought both. Running ran my life. But when it stopped being fun? I stopped running. Easy as that. Over the past few months, I have thought about running. And I’ve even ran a few times. Sometimes run/walking. Sometimes running just a mile so I didn’t break my heart with how far I’ve fallen. But I’m running again. Starting yesterday.
I love running in the fall. I love it. It completes me. There is something about orange trees and trails covered in crunchy leaves. Fall running is just my jam. And I want to be part of nature in the fall. So I’m running again. I’m starting at the absolute beginning of run/walk intervals. I’m building easy and as stress-free as possible. I don’t have distance expectations. I don’t have speed expectations. I just want to run in the leaves without hating every second of it.
So, what’s new with you. And what are you drinking?