take these chances

I’ve spent the last few months in a place of evaluation. What do I want? How do I get it? How do I maintain my relationships and my sanity and my sleep schedule? How do I make time for all the opportunities and goals I have in front of me?

And I’ve realized that all of these things I want to do – the marathon, self-employment, being in amazing shape – they don’t have to happen right now.

Just because I’m not doing something right now does not mean that I won’t do it or that it isn’t important to me.

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I can express my desires, my “chances,” and put them aside. And trust that I will return to them when I have time and energy. Because they aren’t going anywhere. Because they are who I am. And the opportunity to choose what I want to do, from day to day, inside the boundaries of my “chances” has shifted my attitude.

I will not run a marathon in November. For those of you keeping track, this is the third marathon I have registered for and not completed. My body just isn’t feeling it right now. I could do it, but I would hate it. So I’m not going to. I will keep running – 2 halfs left this fall, 3 or 4 this spring – but in a way that I can manage without feeling like it requires a lot of focus and structure.

And I’m coaching now from a place of love. Not to pay off bills, not to save money, not to make a move toward self-employment. I’m coaching because it is what I want to do. Because I love being involved in your lives. And I’m doing so without financial expectations or goals. It is all for the love.

I have chosen to put my goal pursuits back into a hobby category because the things that used to define me – before running and coaching – are making noise again.

I am cooking again. Several times a week. Sometimes – like last night – I made a soup from a recipe and then kept adding to it from the pantry until we had pumpkin lentil curry. It was very tasty and I felt super accomplished.

For Christmas this year, I’m asking for financial contributions for a new camera. I miss tangible creativity, and I feel like that is my medium. And I want to have the necessary tools when I’m feeling the urge to make art.

Will I run another marathon? Yes.

Will I coach full-time? Possibly.

But in a quieter time. Because right now? My heart is making a lot of noise. And I’m listening to it.

(And while I have your attention, have you signed up for my Thankful in November series? I’m so excited to bring it to you!)

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4 Comments

    • I think there is so much talk and affirmations like “the time is NOW” and “why wait?” and “be your own hero!”

      But I am finding power in waiting. In being realistic. In not rushing my dreams. It is nice to feel like I am experiencing instead of accomplishing, for the first time in a long time. I’m glad it resonated with you!

      On Tue, Oct 22, 2013 at 12:40 PM, my radical commitment

  1. i think it’s impossible [for me] to get everything perfectly right all at once. right now it’s important to me to get this weight off, and workout at least 4 times a week. running is on the back burner, and i hope to get back to it soon. but right now i have other priorities 🙂

  2. Something my grandma used to say, and has always stayed with me, is, “you can do everything you want, just not all at once” and I try to remember that when I’m feeling like I want to do-do-do and life is stressful. It’s okay for me to put things in a box and come back to them. It doesn’t make me (or anyone) “less than” is just means I’m listening to my desire, which is really really hard when the world tells us otherwise.

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