no one but me

So I’ve been struggling lately. If you have spent any time around me, you’re shaking your head in agreement. I have a marathon at the beginning of March. And I am planning on doing another the beginning of May.

And the thought of that second marathon just doesn’t make me happy. At all. For a variety of reasons. It just doesn’t feel like what my heart wants to do right now. I’ve got a lot on my plate. I’m physically exhausted. I feel really good, but I can feel myself starting to wear down. And I don’t like it.

I just don’t want to run a second spring marathon. Yes, I’ll be trained up for it. Yes, I love the Flying Pig. Yes, I’ll have plenty of friends there. But my heart just isn’t in it. At all. 

Bottom line (I think)? I love running with people. I love training with people. I love my friends. But there is no one I know running my marathon pace at either marathon. And I don’t want to do it alone. I don’t want to have a terrible time (as in enjoying myself not actual finishing time) because I don’t want to run alone. I just don’t know if I want to run for 5+ hours by myself. I’ll do it at Asheville because I’m already registered and it is in Asheville. But I can’t make myself register for the Pig.

I’m really enjoying May Cause Miracles, and today I was challenged to notice self-attack and self-judgement. And there is a lot of judgement going on around the second marathon.

  • You call yourself a coach. You should be training for a marathon.

  • What are people going to think if you back out of this race you’ve been talking about? How will that change their perception of you?
  • You preach making life fit and finding a way to meet your goals and now you want to back out on one. Why should anyone listen to you?
  • Buck up, sister. You are a marathoner. You may not enjoy it, but you can do it. Put your big girl panties on and just run alone.

But I don’t want to. And there’s no one but me telling me that I should. No one. Just me.

Two marathons in two months? That’s insane. I’ve been pretty much on a marathon schedule since July (but took 2 weeks off and missed my fall marathon due to tendonitis). I haven’t even registered for the Pig yet, so I’m not even out any money. I can register for the half, blow my PR (personal record) out of the water and have a great time. I can be there to cheer some of my half-marathon friends and all of my marathon friends across the finish line.

I can spend more time cross-training (and actually lose weight). I can take those barre fitness classes I bought the groupon for. I can do yoga and strength training if I back off my running. I can be a well-rounded athlete. I honestly believe my running will be strengthened. 

So why am I having such a hard time changing my mind and not running a second marathon in the spring? Why can’t I just commit to the half and get over it already?

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7 Comments

  1. FOMO <—-fear of missing out

    Girl, you are an accomplished runner and there is no reason to put a negative taste in your mouth with the thing that you love! We don't always need to do everything that we technically "can" do – it's not always what we "should" do. Freeing up this time to round out your physical activity sounds like a great post marathon plan!

  2. I think that even though you are a running coach, it doesn’t mean you have to be training simultaneously while coaching. Training for a race takes a lot of time and commitment and is almost a part time job. You have run the distance before and with your training I think that makes you perfectly qualified to coach. What about doing the Flying Pig Half or cheering those on you know running?

  3. Take a break and do something fun. Your body and your mind will thank you. And just because you aren’t training for or running a marathon doesn’t make you any less a coach or a runner.

    Last spring when I was feeling burnt out I signed up for Mt. Hood Scramble, a off trail race that I would normally never do. Doing something different and knowing that I probably wouldn’t be good at it took a lot of pressure off. I could focus more on the experience and not so much on all the other crap.

  4. do you think you’ll feel different after you run the full in march? i’m always on a high after a race and it renews my enthusiasm. but two fulls in two months is a huge undertaking, and only you can decide what’s most important to you and no one is going to judge you for choosing what’s best for you!

  5. Doing the half instead of the full in May sounds like a super sane, really wise plan. Probably something you might advise your own clients to do, you know?

    I think a lot of times we underestimate balance. But it’s so important. Crucially important.

    You’ll be a better, strong, safer, happier runner if you have enough time in your schedule for other things like yoga, rest, etc. I truly believe this!

  6. I sometimes don’t get why we have to have a race in mind in order to run or train. Yes, it helps sets parameters and goals, but they get VERY expensive, you end up with a lot of crappy tshirts and medals you don’t really need. Plus it can suck the fun out of running. Coaching makes things fun. It’s the only thing that kept the fun in running for me.

    Focus on that.

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