my hips don’t lie – but my eyes sure do

If a stranger went through the pictures on my phone, he would think I was a narcissist. I have a lot of pictures of myself on my phone.

I don’t want to call it body dysmorphic disorder (mostly because I don’t want to drag out  my DSM to see if I actually meet criteria), but it is definitely in the general vicinity.

I have no idea what I look like. No idea. I pick up clothes off a rack and I have no idea if they will fit me. My weight loss has been slow and steady. I should have had plenty of time for my brain to adjust to what I really look like.

But it never has.

I look in the mirror, and I don’t see reality. I look in the mirror and what I see staring back at me is very inaccurate. I see bulges and huge hips and thick thighs. I do not like what I see in the mirror.

But something strange? When I take a picture, I see the truth. I can look at the screen on my phone and see what is actually there.

I don’t buy clothes without taking a picture and looking at it to figure out if something looks good on me. I don’t trust the mirror. The mirror plays tricks on me, but the picture of my reflection gives me accuracy.

Is that the craziest thing you’ve ever heard or what?

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6 Comments

  1. Totally “normal”, meaning I have no idea if it’s normal or not, but it happens to other people 🙂 I remember after I first lost a dramatic amount of weight, it was so bizarre and unnerving to me that I had no idea what I looked like. Seeing my shadow or catching my reflection in the mirror threw me for a loop! I had a really hard time with this particular thing for some reason. It’s gotten way better, but for awhile it was really hard for me.

    I read the book “Joining the Thin Club” and found it really helpful. Mostly it just made me realize I wasn’t crazy with all of these emotions I had after losing weight (this topic being one of them) and that I wasn’t the only one. Check it out if you’re looking for a new book!

  2. “I don’t buy clothes without taking a picture and looking at it to figure out if something looks good on me. I don’t trust the mirror. The mirror plays tricks on me, but the picture of my reflection gives me accuracy.”

    THIS! You’ll see on Twitter I post a couple yesterday. I’m not sure I’ll ever have a good idea of my size. feels like I’m learning all over again….

    You look great! ❤

  3. No. Not crazy. I don’t even trust photos. I think I look huge in every photo of myself. I think every mirror is a “skinny mirror.” I have no idea what I really look like, and it’s very strange. I see other people in photos and even though I know their weight and height, and know they’re shorter/weight more than me, I will still look much, much bigger than that person in a photo. I really don’t understand what happens in my brain when I look at an image of myself (in the mirror or in photos).

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