feet to take me where I want to stand

I’ve been swimming in wants. Things I think I need.

I need to contact a graphic designer friend to see if she’ll design a logo for my coaching business. I need to design and order business cards. I need to pay my liability insurance. I need to finish and launch my website. I need to see if there is any way we can (financially and time-wise) swing the first semester of Life Coaching classes starting next month. I need to plan the LexRunLadies birthday party (and draw up the waiver and order membership cards of some sort). Oh, and then there’s my own 35th birthday party to plan. I need to buckle down the budget so we can actually move to Asheville one day. I need. I need. I need.

But Friday night, we went to a party/fundraiser for our friends at Rideout Photography. And sitting there on the patio of our hangout with our friends (and a basket of food from the Taco Truck), I realized something.

Everything will happen at its own pace. I have no deadlines that aren’t self-imposed. I have no reason to rush anything. I have everything that I need. Nathan. Family. Friends. Running shoes. Food on my plate.

(I lifted your pic of us, AshleyGee.)

I enjoy where my life is and where it is going. And I’m going to slow down and take the time to enjoy it.

Amen.

Asheville!

Yesterday: Miami. Today: Asheville.

It sounds like I’m quite the traveler, doesn’t it? I’m a lucky, lucky girl.

But my story starts a little before Asheville.

We were scheduled to leave on Friday morning. I’m cooking dinner on Wednesday evening and I get a little text from my little E:
“How long are you in Asheville?”

And the next thing I know, she’s bought plane tickets to land in Lexington in less than 24 hours. So I got a surprise run in with this girl:

The senior portraits we took are hilarious. She makes me smile so big that my face hurts.

We left Erin snoozing in our guest room Friday morning and headed to Asheville. We were going to meet Ashley and Dustin there.

I’ve been internet buddies with Ashley forever, but we’d never met. And I knew absolutely nothing about that adorable husband of hers. That just seems ridiculous to me now. Just ridiculous.

From the moment we exchanged hellos at the picnic tables at the White Duck Taco Stand, I knew they are our kind of people. Fun people. Nerdy people. Laughing people. Foodie people.


Shanghai Shrimp tacos and Duck tacos.

From there, we headed to the expo to pick up our packets. I think I squealed “HOW FUN ARE THEY?!?” to Nathan about a million times as we led the 2-car caravan. The expo was just big enough to be fun. The shirts were awesome. Our numbers worked. All was well.

We drove up to the bed and breakfast to check in. Yes, all four of us. Not only was I going to be running with Ashley, she was going to be sleeping right downstairs. It was like a slumber party! Nathan and I have stayed at the Crooked Oak Mountain Inn at least once a year for the last 8 years, so the innkeepers are like another set of parents for us. I missed Patti (she is in Italy), but that just means we have to go back soon.


We headed back downtown for the first trip to Malaprop’s (and the coffee shop) and to shop around a little. We ended up at Asheville Pizza and Brewery for dinner. Runners gotta carb-load, right? (And almonds on a veggie pizza? BRILLIANT.)


I don’t know what time we made it to bed. We spent a long time in the lounge at the B&B talking about ghosts and who knows what else. It was a great time.

Saturday morning started out pretty uneventful. We made it downtown in great time. Parking was easy. It was great. But the race? Whoa. (You can read my recap here.) Just let me tell you that it was really really hard and I think Ashley summoned the great Miranda as she approached the finish line with both middle fingers flying and “I hate you both for making me do this!” It was a great time.


And then Dustin bought us all coffee and pastries at Malaprop’s and life was good again.

After showers and naps all around, we headed downtown for dinner. (PSA: Don’t plan on wearing heels the evening of a half-marathon.) Curate was just absolutely amazing. This a second visit for the Bentleys. It won’t be our last. The food was just crazy amazing. Tapas just come out as they are ready. And we ate lots and lots. Everyone off everyone’s plates. And from everyone’s glasses.

Crazy good gin and tonic

chorizo and potato chips

my favorite dish anywhere: watermelon and tomato salad (with melted cheese on the bottom)

The boys supported us tipsy girls down to the French Broad Chocolate Lounge where Nate and I shared this crazy Chocolate Stout Cake. It is the stuff that dreams are made of.


Sunday, I found myself in a beautifully lit room.


And breakfast was craaaazy good.


more shopping (and my third salted caramel latte in three days).

I bought some artwork for my cubicle (that will eventually be moved into my home office). Ashley got surprised by some jewelry. It was a great morning.

And then lunch started with Moonshine.


As always, Salsa’s was amazing. There are no words for this sweet potato concoction smothered with mole sauce. Just no words.


The sad thing about lunch? Nathan and I had to head home right after. Saying goodbye to Ashley and Dustin kinda stunk. But I know it is only a matter of time before we meet up in Asheville again. And just a matter of time until we are neighbors down in the River Arts District.


Ahhh, Asheville.

RRCA in Miami!

I wasn’t even going to write about Miami since it happened so long ago, but since someone asked in the comments the other day…
I loved my little whirlwind trip to Miami. As a refresher, I was truly supposed to be there. The stars aligned just perfectly to make it happen. I was meant to be there. That’s all there is to it.

First, I was so excited to spend the weekend with my best girl, E. She totally took care of me. She was my chauffer, my chef, my bed and breakfast. I just loved seeing her. She’s my girl.

I wasn’t sure what to expect for the RRCA training. I was excited, but I had read reviews of previous training sessions. I just didn’t know how it would go. I went in with a list of things I wanted to make sure I had answers to when I left. I wanted to make sure that

I got what I needed out of the training.

I wasn’t disappointed. (By the training, anyway. The food was very disappointing. High school cafeteria food. Lots of white. Not a lot of veggies. Lots of sugar. Just disappointing. Especially since it was a training for running coaches.)

The course did an amazing job covering the basics. We talked a lot about the different needs of different types of runners. We talked about training individuals and groups. C25Kers and competitive racers. I learned basics about nutrition, sports injuries, and running form. We talked a lot about sports psychology too – helping injured and discouraged runners. There were great conversations about where running fits into Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs for different runners. I just loved it.

I feel confident that with practice I’ll be able to develop strong training plans and lead runners in speed work. I loved learning about different types of workouts and how to schedule them within a training program. I know how to create a plan based on different effort levels for different days of the week. I know when and why to tell myself it is okay to push or that I need to back off.

All of this was great. But I must admit that I was most pleasantly surprised that we discussed the business of coaching. We talked some about setting up a business, how to find clients, and a lot about liability. I came out of that part of the session feeling both terrified and knowing how to protect myself.

Mostly, though, I learned how much I don’t know. I feel like it was my intro to theories class from counseling. I learned just enough about lots of different things to know where I want to focus. I got a feeling about what running gurus I want to really learn from. I’ve bought several books already. I’m ready to learn. This training was my springboard. But I’m just now starting to be able to dive in.

The test totally stressed me out. Totally. I could tell that some of the questions were trying to confuse me, so that made me suspect of the questions that I thought were obvious. I went through the 100-question exam 4 different times before Nathan finally made me push “submit” on the darn thing.

And I passed!

After that, I completed my CPR/First Aid on a very rainy Saturday back here in Lexington. My dummy, Sharon, was old and creaky. I didn’t like her. She crackled when I breathed in and wheezed when she breathed out. Reminded me too much of Zombies, RUN! And I was sorta unnerved. But I accomplished what I needed.

I emailed my CPR cards to the certification guy. And I got this in the mail earlier this week.

I’m bonafide, my friends.

I’m spending lots of time on my coaching website (I’m hoping to unveil by next weekend). I’m ordering business cards tonight. I’m hoping to be able to purchase liability insurance within the next week. I’m really close to being able to officially open my doors, even though I’ve been unofficially opened to a few that have sought me out for a few weeks now. I’m still trying to figure out exactly how I want to structure the additional services I’ll offer, but that’s something that I can work out on a case-by-case basis and nail it down as I go along.

I am doing this, friends.

It is exciting and scary. But I’m doing this.

I’m not making excuses.

Friends. Friends. I have so much to catch you up on.

I’m not going to apologize for being absent. There’s nothing that I could do about it. I have been swamped. In an absolutely amazing wouldn’t-change-a-thing sort of way. I’m going to update you over the course of the next few days, but first, I need to put some accountability into play.

I let life get the best of me. I went three weeks (THREE WEEKS!) without stepping on the scale. And the result? I was up 6 pounds. Not only did I not make my weight goal for the half, I was so far off I knew not to even step on the scale.

It seems like I can only focus on so much at once. That once I get to a certain level of busy, priorities change. And food can fall to the backburner. I didn’t eat things that were bad for me, I just ate things that weren’t great for me. And also amounts that were bad for me.

The good news? I can fix it. And I am. I’m back on Team Bob. Today is day 2. And I am cranky about it. I miss the cheese crackers that were in my drawer last week. I miss the Starbucks trip I made about this time several days last week.

Day 1 wasn’t the easiest day. I was hungry. HUNGRY. I mindlessly ate some of Jaime and Ashley’s soft pretzels after run group last night. And then I really REALLY didn’t want to cook when I got home, but I did. And I feel surprisingly accomplished about it.

I don’t know that I’m able to say that things are settling down, because they most definitely aren’t. But I feel like I am beginning to learn how to manage things. I am beginning to figure out how l to manage the new normal. And I’m ready to reintroduce a meal plan back into my schedule.

So, accountability time.
• I will make my grocery list at lunch.
• I will go to Trader Joe’s after work.
• I will follow my meal plan.
• I will be at 153 by the marathon. 13 pounds in 8 weeks. Totally doable.

I know following a meal plan will also help with the budget, so two birds with one stone, right?

Anyone else climbing back on the wagon?

self-doubt is a season

Every morning, I wake up to a daily Truthbomb. I especially love today’s.

Think of self-doubt as seasonal. Spring always comes.
~Danielle LaPorte

Except me? I’m not waiting for spring. I’m waiting for fall.

For me, this summer has been about discomfort. About heat and humidity. Repressive heat and humidity. Runs haven’t been easy or fun. I’ve worried about losing my fitness. I’ve worried about meeting my marathon goals. I’ve cut runs way short because I just couldn’t do it. I just plain haven’t wanted to go out there. I haven’t had a great runner summer. I have convinced myself that once the weather breaks, everything will be easier. I’ll be more comfortable, faster, self-assured.

I’m in a similar place professionally. Everything just seems overwhelming and repressive right now. The opportunities ahead of me seem way off. I can see them if I squint, but the work between there and now seems so daunting. I have so much to learn, not just as coach but as a business owner. I have so much that I need to do to develop my big picture plan (business license, graphic designer, website developer, life coach certification), but I don’t really have much disposable money right now. I need to figure out a ton of things in the near future – especially the baby steps I need to be doing right now. I’m at the point where it looks like I have an infinite amount of things to do before I even get started.

And I’m scared. What if I put all this work and money into something that isn’t going to be successful? What if I can’t do it? What if I’m not cut out for this?

I’m hustling. I passed my RRCA coaching exam. I’m working daily with a client and hammering out details with another. I’m just trudging along, trusting that I’ll figure out what I need to figure out as I go along.

But the self-doubt? It is almost paralyzing some days. And I get nothing done on those days. And other days? I feel like an unstoppable train, marking task after task off my list and then writing down more. But today, the self-doubt is back. And it is huge, dark, and scary.

This is a season. I just have to keep working through it. It may not be my best work, it may not be my favorite work, it may not be comfortable. But I’ll work through it.

And, just like fall to a runner, a new season will come. With new challenges and new goals. But a new season will come.

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overwhelmed

I have been feeling overwhelmed.

Stomach virus.

Scary coaching exam.

Work drama.

Fear about not moving fast enough.

Fear about moving too fast.

Overwhelmed.

Almost to the point of being immobile. I was over analyzing everything – exam questions, twitter exchanges, emails. I was letting things slide – emails I needed to return, calls I needed to make, confrontations I needed to have.

I was scared. So I hid. I did nothing. I kept moving things from one day to the next in my calendar. I did nothing.

This weekend wasn’t a lot better. My stomach issues prevented me from running long. I just kept pushing things. I watched a lot of tv. I slept a lot.

But things got better. I had coffee with my girls yesterday and then trained a group of first time 5K-ers-to-be. I worked on my exam a little. I started checking things off.

And then things really picked up today. Nathan told me that I was overthinking things. I finally just started checking things off.

Nathan and I sat at a coffee shop and I finished my coaching exam, and I passed. I sent emails, and I got emails back with what I needed. I did a few things that are way outside of my current comfort zone. Once I marked a few things off, it just started to snowball. And in a few minutes? I have my first phone coaching appointment.

I don’t know what I was so afraid of.

But it is important to me to admit to you that I was afraid.

But everything is mostly okay now.

And I’ll probably be afraid again.

And I’ll come out just fine then too.