my mountain is waiting

Sometimes, way down deep in a ball of anger, I find a healthy dose of clarity.

Today hasn’t been my day. And, even though I would have liked to come to the decision on my own terms, the situation probably turned out the way I would have chosen.

I just would have liked to have had the choice, you know?

So just as I was in that place of anger that was making me sick to my stomach, I ran across this quote on facebook. I’m not going to say that it liberated my anger, but I will say that it made me pull back. It made me see the big picture. Reminded me where I want to be.

There are a lot of choices I can make.

I need to get on my way.

my heart is full

When I got my new calendar last month, under the “goal” section for August, I wrote “running coach cert? – research.”

I had no idea what August would bring.

My life has just exploded.

I am working full time.

I am studying for my RRCA exam.

I am coordinating a running group with 4-5 weekly runs (and also running a website, manning facebook and twitter, and designing our next tshirt). As it approaches its first birthday, I’m planning where we go from here.

I am coaching 2 clients. I cannot tell you how fun the beginning stages are. There’s lots to figure out, but so fun.

I am developing a business name, plan, pricing packages.

I am training for a marathon.

I am feeding my little family according to Team Bob (as often as possible). I still have weight loss goals. I may have stalled, but I am still trying.

My brother, sister-in-law, and the Niece are coming for the weekend, so our house is clean.

I my schedule is full. My hours are packed. My life is bursting at the seams.

But so is my heart.

People have come out of the woodwork to support and encourage me. Offering help. Being there for me, virtually and in person. Showing so much interest. Asking questions that I hadn’t even thought to ask. Leading me to my own clarity.

I cannot express my gratitude enough.

Friends and family – You are so patient with me. As I schedule time with you a month out. As I cancel dinner plans 3 times because I’m double committed (sorry Lydia). As I leave you alone at my house so I can go run 17 miles. Thank you for believing my dream and for not giving me any grief as I go chase it.

Sarah and Amanda – Thank you so much for being so patient with me. I know I seem disheveled, but you are both showing so much grace as I figure out timeframes and as I search through my training materials to find answers to your questions. I am blessed that both of you reached out to me.

All of my LexRunLadies – You are the reason I have faith in myself to do any of this. It is our success and growth that has led me to discover my passion and created the belief that I can build amazing things. Thank you for showing up. For keeping each other company out there, both on the roads and in spirit. Week after week.

Erin – Literally, none of this would be happening without you. When we started running together was when I started running with a group, and when I decided I wanted to start our own. I wouldn’t have ran a marathon without you beside me. I would not have been able to make Miami work if it weren’t for you and your car and your spare bedroom and your cooking. You are my best girl. (I’m stopping right now before I cry.)

Nathan – Your belief in me has never wavered. You trust me not to do anything stupid (maybe more than I trust myself). You tolerate Clean Clothes Mountain. You clean the kitchen. You’ll happily eat cereal for dinner. You take care of the cats. You take care of me. You are always just right there. Every scheduled run. Every group run. Every LRL activity. I don’t even have to ask. You are just right there. You’re the best First Dude we could have. You are an amazing husband. I know how very blessed I am. You’re my honey!

I’m so excited to see where we go from here. Buckle your seatbelts, friends.

daily eats

I need to make a confession.

Over the past month, I’ve only been paying about 50% attention to my eating. I have continued to run on schedule, but I haven’t been focused on my eating. I’ve done a pretty good job, but not great. I ate carbs for dinner frequently. There was ice cream on Sunday night. I haven’t gone off the deep end, but I have been generally unfocused.

I was dreading the scale. Big time. I knew it wouldn’t be pretty. I was feeling kinda puffy. I didn’t know what to expect.

A month. Unfocused. A gain of 1.8 pounds.

That was it.

And it was exactly what I needed to see to get back on the wagon. It wasn’t enough that I have to do a lot of back tracking. It was less than 2 pounds. Granted, I didn’t lose anything in the past month, but I was so busy. And pretty stressed out. So much that I was stressed about is now over. My new stressors are completely within my control. I decide how much I take on. (More on that in the next few days, though.)

Seeing my lack of damage on the scale, I was ready to go. And my eats were spot-on Team Bob.

Breakfast: Ezekiel toast with almond butter, chia seeds, banana slices. Oh, and Via.

Snack 1: greek yogurt and blueberries

Lunch: quinoa with strawberries, white cheddar, and balsamic vinegar

Snack 2: apple and baby cheese

(not pictured: a SINGLE BITE of Brooke’s birthday cupcake)

Dinner: turkey meatballs with peppers and onions

Run: a little under 3. I had planned 5, but the storm had other plans. So I just made them fast miles.

Were you happy with your eats today?

Miami – getting there

All I was concerned about for days before the trip was not making it to Miami on Thursday night. I get very limited time off work, so my flight schedule was very limited. I was leaving Lexington at 8pm, making a tight connection in Charlotte, and landing in Fort Lauderdale at midnight. So I stalked my flights all day. And everything looked great. On time, if not early. I finally calmed down right as I got to the airport and started to get very excited.

But then I got on the plane. We backed out of the gate. And the pilot announced a delay. A 35-40 minute delay. And I had 45 minutes to make it across the Charlotte airport. The stewardess let me know, without mincing words, that making my connection was “possible, but not probable.” We ended up sitting on the runway about 20 minutes. The pilot stated that he got clearance to make a few changes and we should be about 20 minutes late instead of 30+.

As we sat there, in stillness, all I could think about was how many crazy things fell into place to get me to this training. It wouldn’t have been possible if I didn’t have a friend in Miami. Erin and Levi had just moved there. I had received unexpected financial gifts from LexEnomics and Thrive Consulting. God meant for me to go to this training. All that kept running through my head was the chorus of “God Will Take Care of You.” As soon as we were in the air, I knew without a doubt that I was making that flight. But I knew that it wouldn’t be easy.

I am a runner, darn it. I was going to be a running coach. If anyone could make a connection, it would be me. So, all within the small confines of my window seat, I dug my running shoes out of my carry-on that was stuffed under the seat in front of me (with much less intrusion on my neighbor’s personal space than I thought possible). The flight attendant prioritized people getting off the plane. We landed. And I ran.

I wish I had been wearing my Garmin as I ran through the airport. It was like the airport scene in Home Alone. I was flat-out running. At a few times, I was flat-out running on the moving sidewalk. I felt like I was flying. I made it to the gate just as they were starting to board my section.

I got on that plane. I took a deep breath. And it changed everything that was going on in my head. My worry? My nerves? My “what if I’m not supposed to do this?” Gone. I was supposed to be there. I was ready for this. I was ready for everything that this training will set in motion. And I knew that Erin would be waiting for me on the other end of the flight.

I was ready. And I was taken care of.

miami

So right now – when this publishes – I’ll be sitting in training. I’ll be learning how to be a running coach.

But right now – when I’m writing this to procrastinate packing – I’m nervous and antsy and questioning myself. I mean, really. I’m a 6+ hour marathoner. I’m a therapist, not a scientist. There is so much I don’t know.

Then I remind myself that I am going to a training to learn. If they expected me to know this already, they’d just give me the test instead of renting a space to teach me and feed me. I’m going to learn.

The only thing I can bring to the table is what I already am.

That’s what I have to remember. And know that when I return home from Miami, I’ll be able to do more.

I’ll be a coach.

trust the pigeon

Sometimes we have to toss a dream up in the air, like releasing a homing pigeon, and trust that it is going to come back to us with some mission-critical information.” ~danielle laporte

I have tossed my dream up in the air. I did that several months ago when I started this blog.

I set it free into the world, and a variety of things have fallen into place since then. I have thrown myself into my running group. I have worked very hard to maintain a training and a social schedule that builds relationships and community.

I threw my dream out. I acted in a way that was congruent with my dream. And the pigeon came back.

Today, I send the pigeon back out. Today I get on a plane. And in three days, I will be one huge step closer to becoming a Certified Running Coach through the RRCA. (I’ll just need to schedule a CPR training.)

I have no idea what “mission-critical information” will come back to me next. I’m a weird combination of incredibly excited and completely terrified. I feel like there is no turning back. Like I am taking a huge step toward a dream that has no specific details. All I know? It will be awesome.

See you soon, Pigeon.

(P.S. LET ME DRIVE THE BUS!)

balance is a myth

I have been defiant. Maybe overwhelmed. I’m not sure the right word, but I know it isn’t productive. At all.

I haven’t been following any sort of eating plan. My house is a wreck. I didn’t even grocery shop this week, I just sent Nathan to the store for milk, bread, and apples.

Last week was incredibly stressful for me. And I just absorbed it all. I didn’t let it bounce off. I took it all in. And I’m not going to do that again.

I finished Firestarter Sessions today (sad trombone), and in my final reading, she talked a lot about balance. About how balance is a myth. About how I have to be comfortable letting my life ebb and flow, how I need to let my passion guide my focus and then just do the best I can do in the other areas of my life.

That really spoke to me. But just because something isn’t my focus doesn’t mean I am allowed to just give up entirely. I just have to figure out the system that helps the rest of my life fall in line. I still need to do the best I can. I can’t do nothing because I can’t do it perfectly.

In my heart, I know the answer. I need to make a plan and follow it. I’m working on a menu for next week. We’re having family in town next weekend, so I know the house will get clean before then, and then we’ll follow a schedule for maintenance. If I just spend an hour making a plan, I follow it. Because it is there. Because I don’t have to think about it. Making the time to do it is worth it.

I’m going to expect less balance for my life. Give myself a little leeway. But I’m going to set myself up for as much success as
possible. I’m going to get back to planning.

Balance is a myth, my friends. But I can do much better than I did this week.

And I will.