tbt: hanging out in the gap (not the store)

 

I love ThrowBackThursday pictures. I love searching through my phone archives to find just the right picture that somehow connects me to today.

I’ve decided to start tbt’ing blogposts as well. There is some good stuff in my archives that I haven’t read since I wrote it. So I’m going through my past posts finding something that resonates with me to repost on Thursdays.

Today’s tbt is still so stinking true for me. I’m still in the gap.

Original post was published on November 2, 2012.

Retta sent me this post by Danielle LaPorte about Soul Soup. This excerpt defined where I am right now:

There will be a time, a passage when you don’t really know who you were, are, or can be. It’s natural, it’s divine, and it’s the chemistry of beautiful, awesome change.

 

This passage can happen in big dramatic swells, as years of not quite knowing what you want to do; or seasons of confusion that aren’t quite depressing, but confusing enough to invite sadness in. This can happen in compressed bouts of uncertainty before you do something new or monumental.

That’s exactly where I am. I am in a season of confusion. Am I working hard enough? Am I working too hard? I know the direction I want to go in, but is it the right way?

I feel like a lot of the reading I’ve been doing lately has encouraged me to enjoy the time in the gap – the area between my dream and the reality. To take the time to appreciate the process. To appreciate the ability to say no to make way for the yes. To enjoy defining who I will be as a coach.

I’m taking a page from Jon Acuff and looking at my concerns through a telescope – not a magnifying glass which would magnify risk and not a kaleidoscope which would distort it. I am trying to stand far enough back to make it accurate and not-so-scary.

I’m trying to remember what Austin Kleon told me. I don’t need to wait until I know who I am to get started. Through the process of my work, I will figure that out as I go along. I know the work I want to see done. And I’ll only figure out how to do it better by actually doing it. I have to share it with people before I can make it better. If I wait until it is perfect, I’ll never put it out there. And I’d still tweak “perfect” anyway, so I’m not putting it off.

Brene Brown is where I got the phrase “the gap” and she tells me to mind this space. That the space between who I am and who I want to be is where I must make sure I show up. I am asking my clients to step outside of their comfort zone. We are setting goals and chipping away at them. It is only fair that I do the same myself. I am asking them to be brave, to believe me, to follow the plan that we have developed. And I have to put that same faith in myself. I have to follow the plan that I have and believe that I will celebrate the result.

So that’s where I am, friends. In the gap. In the soup. I have a zillion things to do between now and my website release Saturday morning, but I have a detailed list, so it seems much more manageable.

Countdown: 2 days.

what I’ve been doing

Sometimes when I go silent for a few days, it is a sign that maybe you should worry about me a little. But that isn’t the case. I’m living, friends.

I’m running again. And looking for fun places in my beloved Lexington to show you that I’m running.

 

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I am spending time with friends that I don’t see often enough. With yoga and wine. (photo credit to Sharon Tessandori of Barefoot Works.)

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I’m teaching Herschel yoga. I have no idea what she’s doing here, though.20140727-173420-63260126.jpg

I’m loving my experience with my Erin Condren notebook + bullet journaling system.

20140727-173417-63257333.jpgI’m cooking again on the regular. This Mexican Quinoa Casserole is AMAZING.

20140727-173422-63262147.jpgI’m working on things. I’m coloring things. I’m loving the ladies in Find Your Flow and the rest of my clients. I’m cooking up future offerings, and trying to decide what to do next. I’m being coached.

20140727-173423-63263559.jpgThings are good. Things are beautiful. I’m looking around. I’m having hard discussions. I’m being joyful. I’m just out there.

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I hope you are showing up for yourself today. Doing the work. Paying attention.

Doing hard things. Doing brave things. Doing the things that you want to do for you.

You deserve it.

we went to Asheville!

It is easier to show you our anniversary trip than to tell you about it. Eleven years have flown by. So have the 10 years we’ve been visiting Asheville. Our first visit was for our first anniversary.

I love Nathan, but I also love our marriage. And Asheville is our place.

I could tell you more, but then I’d be that annoying person going on and on about her amazing husband. So I’ll just let the pictures speak.

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this cookie “makes” me feel.

When I was getting my counseling degree, the power of reaction and responsibility was drilled into me.

No one or situation can make me feel anything.

There is a subtle, but important, difference between “You make me angry!” and “I feel angry when you…”

I react, but I am in control. The power is in my corner. My feelings are valid, but I can choose how I react to them.

Maybe it is because of this concept, but historically I haven’t given a huge amount of energy to finding commonalities between what I eat and how I physically feel.

There are some foods that actually make me feel something.

Spinach in my smoothie makes me feel full.

Ice in my water makes me drink more water.

Indian food makes me sleepy and lazy.

Chinese food at lunch ruins my day. My feet swell and I don’t enjoy working out.

I’ve been making an honest effort to notice these cause and effect relationships about food and my body.

And, just by a natural progression, my choices are changing.

We didn’t order another round of tapas on our anniversary because we would be uncomfortably full.

I have stopped wanting Yangkee Noodle for lunch – even though it has a freaking ton of veggies.

And today, I didn’t get this cookie.

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This flourless chocolate cookie with whipped peanut butter filling. This cookie that it takes me two hours to eat. This cookie that makes me sigh with delight.

But I know it makes me feel yucky. I know it makes me feel both bloated and on-edge. I know that I don’t like how it makes me physically feel.

So I guess this is what this intuitive eating thing is all about.

How did your last meal make you feel?

making it my own

I have been practicing yoga primarily at home for the past few months.

And almost every day, might I add. (As I pat myself on the back.)

I was starting to have a little bit of an issue with this. There are plenty of classes – and my favorite is free – that I could be attending here in Lexington. But I am really comfortable at home. I have podcasts and videos and sometimes I just do my own thing. But, still. I was feeling like I should be part of a community. Because community is just what I do.

I started to feel a little bit better when Marianne Elliot wrote this piece for Curvy Yoga. Courage, kindness, safety as built from an in-home practice. Seriously, just go read it.

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photo credit to Shaker Village at Pleasant Hill (@shakervillageky on Instagram). Click photo for original source.

On Saturday, Miranda and I went to yoga at Shaker Village. (You all remember Miranda from her FatBridesmaid days, right?) I was a little nervous. I hadn’t practiced with people since Curve Camp, and that was such a special experience. I really didn’t know how I’d do in a class since I have gotten so comfortable with my own practice at home.

The first thing I learned? I sigh a lot. When something feels good, I let it be known.

Also? I feel like I know enough to take the modifications that feel good. I know where to put my legs on my hands during flat back to get my back just flat enough. I know that I’m not gonna do a one-armed supported twist during downward dog, so I drop to my knees and thread the needle to get a similar shoulder stretch. My right hip was really really cranky, so I stayed on the floor after class and tried a few stretches to try to get it loose. (Didn’t work.)

In the time I have spent practicing yoga in my own house, not only have I learned what makes my body feel good, but somehow I also quit caring about how I look or what others might think. I have started to put my own needs – my own practice – above anything else.

I walked out of that class feeling free and complete and just open.

Well, before we walked out, Miranda and I waved at Nathan from the window like two big dorks. I didn’t feel self-conscious about that either. Love is love.

 

gratitude

Those of you that have been following me for years (how crazy is that?!?) know that I have a very devoted gratitude practice. I realized this weekend that I don’t talk about it that much anymore. But it is a central practice in my life. 

And, right now, I have so much to be thankful for. In my moment-to-moment life, and in the big picture, things are just amazing. Not perfect. Not worry-free. Not absent of wanting to be different. But amazing just the same.

I am learning that things don’t have to be either perfect or bad. I’m learning that I can hold gratitude and contentment in one hand, and a desire to be better in the other.

I am learning that I can both love my body and want it to be different.

I am learning that I can be happy and present in one space while still making plans to change.

I am so so thankful that the more I learn, the more I am stretched. The more I serve, the more I am changed. The more gratitude I show, the more I see to be thankful for.

We were at a craft fair yesterday and I came across a beautiful necklace with a phrase hidden inside that brought tears to my eyes. And I wanted to share it with you.

gratitudeBeautiful thought, right?

I hope it brought a smile to your Monday.

Have a good week, friends.

Erin Condren + bullet journaling = happy Krissie

Erin Condren doesn’t sponsor these posts. I just love her products. So so much. The only reward I get is referral perks. Order with my affiliate link and we both get $10 toward our purchase!

Screen shot 2014-07-09 at 7.13.36 PMIt isn’t a secret that I love Erin Condren paper supplies. Thankfully, I’ve only gotten into the notebooks and planner. I may have a history of gushing about my planner. But my system has always been somewhat in flux. I’ve tried color coding and using tons of stickers, but I just couldn’t settle on a system that felt right to me.

I’ve also purchased notebooks – one for fitness and one for financial tracking (and one for journaling, but we haven’t talked about that one- basic stuff).

But it was just too much. I was just using a lot of notebooks. One for money, one for health, one as a yoga journal, one as a journal journal, one for quotes, AND a planner. I was packing more blank books than clothes for overnight trips. It was just ridiculous.

For a few weeks, I used Cassie’s Daily Command Center Printable. I thought about getting it copied and bound even. But it still wasn’t working just right for me. Some days, I needed more space in some blocks, some days I needed less space and it looked empty. I was irritated.

I considered the Day Designer and the Simplified Planner, but neither of them really stood out over the other. And I knew I’d miss the cover customization of my beloved Erin Condren. I even toyed with creating and producing my own paper planner for sale (still on the bucket list, my friends).

But then my sweet friend Lydia posted about turning her Erin Condren Take Note Notebook into a makeshift planner. And then we started talking about bullet journaling on twitter. I watched the video and it was like the skies opened up and the angels started to sing.

I had an EC notebook downstairs that had a cover I didn’t like. Lucky for me, the covers for the new planners are interchangable, so I ordered a new cover. Just snipped the old one off and wah-lah! (This is the lattice in orange and seafoam. I don’t know why my name is in two different fonts. I have an error report in to Customer Service. But when my new cover is made, I can just switch it out!)

 

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The front page in every notebook I carry is this prayer from the Desire Map. I adore it. I recite it daily. I don’t think I even need this, but I like having it with me.

 

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My notebook is truly a frankenstein. The cover isn’t original, and neither is the calendar. I added it from my my money notebook (that I’m no longer using and used the remaining pages to bulk up my journal). I added July at the beginning and the rest of the months at the back. I will pull them forward to divide the months as I fill up the notebook.

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I am not an un-coiler. I’m not that brave. I just snip the pages at the coils and then pop them in. It isn’t always clean on the edges, but it works for me. Totally worth a little fuzz to have the exact notebook that I want.

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I am using my monthly spread as my calendar. On one hand, it is gonna get really full and busy. On the other hand, it keeps me from overscheduling myself. I can’t fit more than two stickers on a day, so no more than two sessions/activities. Works for me! The teardrop stickers are Martha Stewart from Staples and represent bills to pay. They are repositionable, so they’ll be moved from month to month. Also, please note Asheville NEXT WEEKEND! I am making a VERY excited face.

 

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So this is my legend for my particular style of bullet journal. Most of it is pretty basic to the original design, but I kept going. Because I really want this to be as much of a journal as it is a planner.

 

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My favorite thing about this system, though, is my ability to use as little or as much space as I want. Holidays and weekends? Just a few lines.

 

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Busy days? As many lines as I want! (Days divided by skinny washi.)

 

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I had started following the daily routine outlined in the Present Principle by Claire Ortiz. But, like everything, I hacked it. I can put my daily intentions across the top of the page and then write about them as I get them done. I color in the square to signify that it is done. And then I make notes in the journal.

I just make a note about each category of Pray, Read, and Journal. Just a sentence or two about something that stuck out to me. I’m currently praying through Dialogues with Silence by Thomas Merton and reading Miracles Now by Gabrielle Bernstein. I’m journaling my work through Sheer Magnetism with Mara Glatzel. Then I create my to-do and review my Schedule for the day and I’m ready to go to work!

As I go through my day, I make notes about my Exercise and Yoga. I find some way to Nourish myself – a bath, new paint on my toenails, turning my brain off with an hour of guilt free SVU. I also make a note each day of something I that made me happy (smile), gratitude (heart), and a win (!). I get the Track square when I review my planner at the end of the day.

 

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This is what my page looks like as the day goes on.

 

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I don’t get everything accomplished. And I don’t allow any guilt about that. I just indicate that it needs to be added to the next day and away it goes!

 

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I make two lines on the page – a faint green line on the left so that all of my bullets line up and a pink line about an inch from the right. I keep both a food journal and a spending journal in this column. Again, zero guilt or pressure, just tracking.

 

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More frankenstein-ing! I added sticker pages from an unused notebook.

 

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And the rest of the monthly pages in the back.

 

Screen shot 2014-07-09 at 7.01.22 PMNext comes the blank pages that were included. I’m using them for client tracking and offering checklists.

 

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Then there’s the pocket folder and the zip pocket in the back!

 

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I’m sure my system will continue to develop, but one week in? I ADORE IT. I’m carrying one notebook around. I’m writing down notes about my day, quotes, ideas, plans, all in ONE PLACE. I am such a happy girl.

Yes, I’m using a lot of paper. Yes, I’ll probably spend more in a year than I would if I just bought one planner. But this also frees me up to use a variety of different notebooks. Not that I have any plans of moving on from EC. She’s my pal. (And here’s my referral link again in case you don’t want to scroll up!)

 

20140706-203045-73845741.jpgFIND YOUR FLOW STARTS TOMORROW!

I seriously couldn’t be more excited. We’ll spend four weeks exploring exercise as self-care. No expectations, no pressure, just movement. Discovering what you like, what you are just-scared-enough to try, and how you want movement to fit in your day. You can read more and register here and you can see me talk about the program here.

Comment here if you have any questions!