keeping myself away

For quite a while, my yoga mat has been my home. It is where I go to rejuvenate, to rest, to challenge, to focus.

My time on the mat is where I solve problems. Where I get ideas. Where I connect with my Maker and myself. Where I find both energy and stillness.

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But I couldn’t bring myself to my mat last night. I knew I needed it – my body, my soul, my spirit. But I just couldn’t.

My life is good. I am thankful for so many things. But I can hold gratitude and still leave space for uncertainty. And a few important things are uncertain right now. I was afraid the mat would be the place that I would break down. Would I feel better if I just broke down and let it happen? Probably.

But I’m afraid of that right now.

So I did a few energetic poses, standing on the carpet. I didn’t lay, I didn’t pray. I just didn’t.

Today I will try again. I will begin again. And I will be gentle.

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Worthy to Woo is a free, 14-day coaching course to remind yourself to show love and attention to yourself through daily, 5-minute practices. Are you in?

spirographs. and you are worthy to woo.

If stress levels can be measured by spirographs (and I think maybe they can), I am at Threat Level Orange. You know, right up next to red. But orange is my power color. So I guess that’s okay.IMG_1602
You know how sometimes you are put in a situation that feels both terrifying and end-of-the-world but also liberating and exciting? Yup. That’s what these spirographs are about.
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Things will be changing. Things will be evolving. Aren’t they always, though?
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So what do I know how to do while I feel terrified and unsure and excited?

I draw spirographs.

I make my way to mat. I will go upstairs and do this practice with Anna as soon as I hit publish here.

I reach out to my friends and my parents and my husband and I am reassured.

And I reach out to you. Because my heart feels most full when I am coaching. When I am spending time with you. So here is my Valentine’s Day gift to you.

worthytowoo

Worthy to Woo is a 14-day (free!) series focusing around loving yourself. Making time for yourself. Wooing yourself.

As we come up on Valentine’s Day, we tend to turn our attention to love. To our significant other (or to the lack of one).

This year – as the holiday approaches – let’s turn our focus inward.

By signing up below, you’ll receive an email a day from February 4 through February 17 with a 5-minute task. Just a little something that can trigger thoughts and actions around self-love, self-attention, and self-courtship.

You are inherently worthy of love and attention from yourself. And this is a way to remind yourself.

Click here to sign up FOR FREE!

(And, please, share with your friends! The more the merrier!)

 

lessons from the mat: Being Lorrie.

Miranda loves to tell a story about Lorrie.
While the two of the were visiting me in Lexington, we went to Zumba. Miranda and I kept up with the choreography, focused on the instructor, got into the collective vibe of the class.

But then there was Lorrie. And she was doing whatever the hell she wanted. We were doing jumping jacks? She was spinning in a circle. She was moving. She was joyful. And she was listening to her own drum.

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And that’s what I miss about her. Lorrie always did Lorrie. And I don’t know how many times I was told, “Guuurl, you do you!”

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At the beginning of the yoga retreat last weekend, we were given permission slips to fill out for ourselves. What did I need to give myself permission to do? What was I having resistance to?

I gave myself permission to Be Lorrie.

That weekend, Being Lorrie meant following directions for the most part, but doing what I wanted to do when the directions took me to an uncomfortable physical place. Being Lorrie meant that I took a nap instead of a hike because I thought about what would bring me joy. On the mat. At the retreat. I wanted to bring Lorrie’s spirit to my practice.

Since I returned home, I am starting to look for ways to carry Being Lorrie into how I could approach other parts of my life. With work. With business. With my clothing and jewelry. Where can I dance? Where can I add a joyful flourish to an area I don’t particularly enjoy? Where can I say, “I will do things a different way” and still have the same experience and outcome?

I miss this girl so much. So often, I find myself wanting her feedback. Needing her pep talk. Wanting a 3-way ModCloth window-shopping Skype-date with Mir. Craving antiquing, wine, truffles, and pizza delivery to a hotel room that looks right into someone’s office.

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But I carry her with me. In a token she made me that hangs out in my purse. In the pink scarf that I wear on days I’m especially tender. And now, thoughts of her are infused in my mat.

I’m learning to do Krissie. By Being Lorrie. On the mat and off.

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staying in the moment. trying not to anticipate.

Last weekend, I attended a lovely yoga retreat at Shaker Village. As I sat around the final circle that chilly Sunday, I expressed what I wanted to carry away from the retreat. I had noticed my tendency to anticipate.

What pose will we do next? I wonder what guided meditation she’ll use. What will I get off the snack table? How will we process this activity? Oh! I could use this activity with this client!

Noise, noise, noise. I have a tendency to think several steps ahead instead of just being where I am.

I want to be more present and with that comes being more proactive in the moment that I am in.

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Today I found myself playing around on the internet. Looking at websites of yoga teachers and yoga studios, just to see what I liked and didn’t like. There’s a website revamp on the way. But before I do that? I have to settle on a name. So this led me to Hipster Business Name Generator. And then the potential names for my yoga stuff got even more murky. And then I found myself looking for studio space, because (yup) that’s logical. And then I took a step back and started looking at branding agencies. And then I started doing the math to realize that I could put back every spare penny and still probably not be able to afford the type of creative branding services that I think would be ideal. (Wait. Were there prices anywhere? Do I actually know this? Nope.)

And then I got super overwhelmed and worried and discouraged and panicky. What if someone takes my not-yet-purchased domain name (which I don’t even know yet)? What if someone takes my perfect studio space right out from under my nose (that I probably couldn’t afford anyway)? What if I’m a terrible teacher? What if no one wants to learn with me?

I came home in a panic. As I sat on the couch, my leg rubbed up against yoga teacher training bag.

Whoa, Krissie. You’re putting the cart way in front of the horse.

I pulled up this picture from my phone. I tried to put myself back in that space. On my mat. With the super cold breeze blowing under the door.

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Live in the now. Let the anticipations and fears just float by. They aren’t wrong. They aren’t right. They just aren’t for this moment. They aren’t for today.

So what is for this moment? Rolling out my mat and doing a practice focused on my hamstrings. Outlining teacher training materials (probably with Law and Order SVU in the background). Then settling into bed with a book about meditation.

Today. One thing at a time.

One word. Plus bonus words.

I love my word for 2015.

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I love what respond means to me. It isn’t just action. It is understanding what I want. It is understanding what is too much for me. It requires understanding and curiosity toward myself and my current state. And then responding. Reacting. Taking chances that feel right. Trusting my body to tell me what movement and food fill me and responding within those lines.

But I’m not stopping there. Several months ago, in a course with Hannah Marcotti, I created this post-it wall of phrases that build me. Light me. Guide me. Speak to my truest wants and drives.

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Each week, I’m choosing a bonus word from this wall and creating a weekly focus phrase. It goes in my planner right under respond.

Last week: Find awe in the common.

This week: curate a lived-in life.

It feels like a smaller experiment within a yearly focus word. This phrase is just for a week. And I have a whole wall to choose from.

I love the concept of having more short-term intentions. Allowing myself to try things on and see how they fit. To be able to pick something each week to reflect that week in particular. And it also helps me process through my almost-but-not-quite-perfect potential intention words for the year.

I like being able to move on not just year-to-year, but also week-to-week.

Happy January, sweet friends.

courageous foundation long

Courageous Foundation started today (!!!) with a video and a tracker. Wednesday will be a Q&A. Friday will be an audio meditation. All focused on building trust and friendship with your body. I will teach you how to read what your body is telling you about food, movement, and beauty. The process is led by an attitude of curiosity, so I think there is an ease and peace to it. I’d love to have you along. It isn’t too late to get in!

respond. 2015 Day 1.

For the last few years, I have chosen an intention word for the year. 2013 was momentum. 2014 was assured.

And for 2015? I chose respond.

I had allowed several opportunities to pass. Because I was lazy or scared. I am starting to respond to the needs of my body and I want that to continue. I just want to pay attention to what is out there for me and respond.

I wanted to start that in a big way. I had talked to the director of Nathan’s dance studio a few times about holding a yoga class there. And after looking at a draft of a text for several days, she and I talked about it. And this was born.

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I am sitting here crying from joy as I write this. I am just so loved.

Yesterday morning, Nathan opened up the studio for us. It was a difficult decision for me, but I decided I didn’t want him in the class. I was afraid that I’d teach to him. That he would just put my emotions over the top. He was right there with me up until I started class. Being the welcoming committee. Chatting everybody up. That man is why I’m here, friends.

Miranda came down from Cincinnati. She was the only person I had taught prior to this class (other than classmates at training). She was so fantastic for my nerves. I love this girl. All she wanted was to know what I needed and to be there to fill whatever it was. And, as usual, a good giggle pretty much filled me up.

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There are no words for what happened. People just poured in. Friends I used to run with. Dancing friends I’ve grown to love through Nathan’s experience. Dancers from the studio. A few relatives of friends. And Cassie. I may have lost my shit when she walked in. Actually, there’s no may to it. I was just on the verge of the ugly cry. I gave so many hugs. So many people. So much happy.

32. THIRTY-TWO people. (We squeezed in 3 or 4 more after we took this picture.) My first class ever. There are no words for this, friends.

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Part of me wants to be all self-deprecating and say that I was nervous and that it was awkward and that I don’t know how I feel about doing it again. But all of that would be a lie.

I locked the front door. I sat on my mat. I opened my mouth. And I was home. (And I’m crying again.) It was the fastest hour+ I’ve spent in a long time. It was ease. I just felt like so many of the things that I have done brought me here. I see that my experience in so many seemingly unrelated areas come together to make me good at instructing yoga. (I’m sending a newsletter out Friday afternoon that talks a little more about this. You can sign up here.)

I feel like I have arrived. And it hit me in the first standing tree we did, maybe 15 minutes into the practice. I almost lost it again. So many friendly faces that I know and love. I stood in the front (and the side) of this room and just felt loved. So, so, so loved. And I also loved that I could tell them that. I could take a moment to get composed and then continue.

Thanks so much for taking this picture, Cassie. It means the world to me.

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We did mostly standing poses. There were a few points where the playlist hit like BAM. The things I worried might be a smidge-too-hokey seemed to go over well (especially autumn tree). I led my favorite meditation. One that I’ve been teaching and practicing since I was doing therapy with kids 12 years ago. I sat in savasana with gratitude and prayer and maybe a few more tears.

Here we all are, sorority style. I am surrounded by friends. New and old. Local and traveling. This is where I belong.

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Then the traveling bunch wrapped up the afternoon with pub food. My goodness, how cute is that baby. (Not pictured, my adorable Nathan and Cassie’s adorable Craig. Because someone has to take the pictures.)

IMG_0306As much as the phrase is overused, I just can’t even. I just can’t. The words just don’t come. My heart is full. My dreams are huge but non-specific. In a 24 hour period before and after this class, I had three conversations about opportunities to teach when I’m certified in May. My role is to evaluate and respond. I have laid the foundation. Now, I respond.

To those of you that made it to the class, I am sending you my sincerest gratitude. You brought an amazing start to my year. My friend Tatsiana told me yesterday that there’s a Russian saying that talks about how the spirit and attitude that you begin the year in will set the tone for the rest of your year. I could not ask for a better spirit.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

courageous foundation long

A lot of my inspiration for writing the sequence for the class came from the work I did with Courageous Foundation. I believe that the connection I am building between my mind and my body allows me to bring that to others. I’d love to have you along for the January course. Six weeks of various kinds of activities – videos, audio meditations, yoga classes, journal prompts, google chats, facebook q&a. Lots of fun stuff where you’ll learn to start listening to yourself. And truly responding. The program starts MONDAY, January 5. Click here for more information and to register.

Happy New Year, friends. My wish for you is to be aware. And respond.

#reverb14 // prompt 29 // a day in the life

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#Reverb14 | Prompt for December 29

Day in the life: Describe a typical day-in-the-life.  Give us details!  Give us pictures!  Sometimes our days can seem boring.  Is that okay?  What do you do to make your days feel a bit special?

Today (erm, yesterday?)  was the return of my friend the smoothie!

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I felt super cute today. Picture in the elevator at work!

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I love that the lobby is still decorated for Chistmas.

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After an uneventful work day, I came home and checked off a very annoying task that had been weighing on me. To celebrate, I broke into some nuts from Cassie.

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And then the FedEx stalking of my Christmas present to myself continued.IMG_0215

I finished the playlist for the yoga class I’m teaching on Thursday. Here it is on Spotify.

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I found one of Nathan’s old shirts in the clean laundry pile he folded for me. It is mine now.

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Standing poses while hair color sets? Yes, please!

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Leftover Irish Stew for dinner. I love when Nathan helps with the menu. We end up with lamb and fancy stuff.

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One last look at the planner. Everything is checked off! And I’m about to imitate Herschel Cat, but I’m going to bed. I’m too good for the floor.

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courageous foundation long

Courageous Foundation starts in ONE WEEK! We’ll work to build a friendship with our bodies. We’ll change how we look at and pursue health. We’ll create a foundation of listening and respect. This program is super, friends. Follow this link to register and for more info!